Archive for August, 2006

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal…

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Ladyof Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state ofagitation. “Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!”The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, ” Now just calmdown and tell me what has you so excited?” “Well, father” the nunbegan, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and Iheard some of the older boys wagering money!”"A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest. “But that’s not what has me so excited, father” replied the nun,”it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on acontest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!”"What an incredible wager!” exclaimed the priest, “What did you do?”"Well, I hit the CEILING, father.”"How much did you win?”

The same thing

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,”I had an affair with a woman… almost.” The priest says,”what do you mean almost?” The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed togetherbut then I stopped.” The priest replies, “Rubbing together is the same as puttingit in. You’re not to go near that woman again, now say fiveHail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.” The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers,then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment andthen starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him andsays, “I saw that, you didn’t put any money in the poor box!” The man replied, “Well Father, I rubbed up against it and yousaid it was the same as putting it in!”

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope…

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane wasbeing rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’To which the Pope replied, ‘Sorry lady, I’m in sales, not management.’

A little sports match

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
“…And the halftime score here at the Colleusium is Lions 7,Christians Nothing. We’ll be right back after these messages…”

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue…

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueacross the street from each other. Since their schedulesintertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.So they did. They drove it home and parked it in thestreet between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw thepriest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t needa wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he wasdoing. “I’m blessing it” the priest replied.The rabbi replied “Oh,” then he ran back into the synagogue.He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to thecar and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.