Archive for September, 2006

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night…

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when arobber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells tothe bartender,”This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!” The scared bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!” The robber yells, “Shut up and empty the cash register!” The bartender says, “Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot, I have a wife and kids! I’ll do whatever you say!” The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!” “Anything!” cries the bartender, “Just don’t shoot!” The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited,he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it backto the crook and yells, “Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friendsmight walk in!”

The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique…

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t batan eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina.”What are you going to use it for?” she asked. “None of your business,” answered the customer, beetred and throughly offended. “Calm down, buddy,” soothed the salesgirl. ” The onlyreason I’m asking is that if it’s food, we don’t haveto charge you sales tax.”

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman…

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, “Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?” “Don’t Miss me, mister.” “Well then, you better make it 13.”

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly…

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly hadto fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the airwith her deodorizer.Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator.He began to sniff.The Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?”"Why, yes, I do,” he replied.”What does it smell like?”"Hmmm, I’m not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shitin a pine tree.”

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward…

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, “What’s wrong?What’s the emergency?”"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It’s disfigured.”"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?”"Follow me, sir.”They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.Mister Smith is upset, “Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!”The nurse interrupts, “No Mister Smith, that isn’t your child.Follow me, please.”They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.Mister Smith cries, “Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?”"No mister Smith, that’s not your child. Follow me.”Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all.”Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?”"Not your child, sir. Follow me.”One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith forces himself toenter. There on a pillow is a single huge ear.”This is your child, Mister Smith.”Smitty goes nuts, “Oh Lord! What could possibly be worsethan this!? But…It’s still my son. I will talk to him, I will amuse him with bed-time stories. I will sing him lullabies…”"Sir, it’s deaf.”