Archive for March, 2008

Better Late Than Never?……..

Monday, March 31st, 2008
Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer’s office one Monday morning. “I want you to begin divorce proceedings,” she announced.The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said, “Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?”Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said, “We wanted to wait until all the children were dead.”

When blondes do puzzles

Monday, March 31st, 2008
A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting “28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!”Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks “What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??”All the blondes say “We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!”

Some Blonde Joke Quickies

Monday, March 31st, 2008
**********************************************Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. ********************************************** Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A. “Look! They spelled MACY’s wrong!” ********************************************** Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A. Her blinker was on. ********************************************** Q. What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion. ********************************************** Q. How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves? A. She fell out of the tree ******************************************** Q. How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye? A. Shine a flashlight in her ear. ******************************************** Q. Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow? A. So they don’t moo-moo when you pull on their tits. ********************************************** Q. How do blonde brain cells die? A. Alone. ********************************************

Guide to Religions.

Sunday, March 30th, 2008
A short guide to comparative religions:Taoism : Shit Happens.Buddhism : If shit happens it’s not really shit.Islam : If shit happens it is the will of AllahProtestantism : Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.Judaism : Why does this shit always happen to us?Hinduism : This shit happened before.Catholicism : Shit happens cuz you are bad.Hare Krishna : Shit happens rama rama.T.V. evangelism : Send more shit.Atheism : NO shit!Jehovah’s witness : Knock Knock Shit happens.Hedonism : There’s nothing like a good shit happening.Christian Science : Shit happens in your mind.Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.Existentialism : What is shit anyway?Stoicism : This shit doesn’t bother me.Rastafarianinsm : Let’s smoke this shit.

4 Doctors talk Politics!

Sunday, March 30th, 2008
An Israeli doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”A German doctor said “That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.”A Russian doctor said, “In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”The American doctor, not to be outdone, said “Hah! We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day.”