Archive for May, 2008

Gulf War Remembered!

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ? A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign AmbassadorQ: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: None. They can’t turn them on anyway.Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,000.Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?” A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.”Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off.Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ? A: B-52…F-16…A-10Q: What is Iraq’s national bird ? A: DuckQ: What’s the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ? A: So they can see their Air Force.Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive.Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map….

Monica Counters Clinton

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
AP – Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton’s firm denial:”I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can’t stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.”"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on.”"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn’t a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.”"Thank you.” Monica Lewinsky

Nixon and Clinton Similarities!

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
“Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton”:Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water BedNixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold SoreNixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burnsNixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geekNixon: Couldn’t stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn’t stop kissing herNixon: Couldn’t explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn’t explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcaseNixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No differenceNixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-PresidentNixon: Known for campaign slogan “Nixon’s The One” Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say “He’s the one”Nixon: Famous for his widow’s peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peakNixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G SpotNixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her

How to impress a woman.

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring food/beer.

Kids and Religion!

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted…”Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”