Archive for July, 2008

Me Tarzan!

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.In pain she screamed ‘What the hell did you do that for!?’Tarzan replied, ‘Always check for squirrels.’

What’s the diff…

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
Q: What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party.A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

The farmer’s wife.

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife’s tits and says, “If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows.”He grabs her butt and says, “If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.”The wife grabs the farmer’s dick and says, “And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother.”

Ventriliquist

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he’s going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub.So, on his first night, he’s going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, “Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!”The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, -”You stay out of this, mister. I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to that jerk on your knee!”

Mamma’s got back

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
Your mamma is so fat, when daddy told her to haul ass she had to make two trips!