Archive for April, 2009

Ultimate rejection!

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
What is the ultimate rejection?When you are masturbating and your hand falls asleep!

Top 10 rejection lines

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean…)10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)6. I’ve got a boyfriend (who’s really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s).5. I don’t date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s not me, it’s you.) 3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.) …and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing) ___________________________________________________ In response… The male perspective on the same issue … Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean…) 10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.)4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.) …and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)1. Let’s be friends. (You’re sinfully ugly.)

Pinoccio

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinoccio’s nose?”Tell a lie.”

Two guys standing at the urinal.

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew. “Blimey,” Ed said. “I’ve never seen one like that before!” “Like what?” Ted said. “All twisted like a pigs tail” Ed said. “Well what’s yours like?” Ted said. “Well straight like normal” Ed said. “I thought mine was normal `til I saw yours” Ted said.Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants. “What did you do that for?” Ted said. “Shaking off the excess drops” Ed said. “Like normal.” “Shit” Ted said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it!”

Yard Work Sign Language

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
Yard Work Sign LanguageA couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can’t find it. He yells up to his wife, ‘Where’s the rake?’She replies by nodding her arms like she can’t hear.So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch. He runs upstairs and says, ‘What?!’She says, ‘I left tit behind the bush.’