Archive for May, 2009

A pile of one liners!

Sunday, May 31st, 2009
Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can’t get out !Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. – he’s got forelegs and two back legs!What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deerWhy do reindeers have wrinkled ankles? Because they lace there boot too tight!What did santa give the death fisherman for christmas? A herring aid!Whats the worst thing to get for christmas? Measles!Where is the best place to buy your dog a christmas present? Leeds!Where does noddy do his christmas shopping? Redcar!Where does the queen do her christmas shopping? Newcastle!What happens if you get too hot at a football match? Sit a bit closer to one of the fans.

What is a blondes way of safe sex?

Sunday, May 31st, 2009
What is a blonde’s way of having safe sex?Locking the car doors!

Boomerang

Sunday, May 31st, 2009
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?A stick.

Bill\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’s Saxophone

Sunday, May 31st, 2009
Why did bill quit playing the saxophone?To play his WhoreMonica

Bill Clinton & the Genie

Sunday, May 31st, 2009
One day Bill Clinton was walking down the beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. He said to Bill “You have one wish.”Bill Clinton cried “But I thought you were supposed to have three wishes!” “Well you are the most powerful man in the world so I only allow one for you,” replied the Genie.Bill Clinton thought hard and said “Bring peace to the middle east.” He took out a map to show the Genie.The genie said “Nope. Can’t do that choose another wish.” This next wish came up right away.”I want the WHOLE world to love Monica Lewinsky as much as I do” The Genie stared at him with a raised an eyebrow. The Genie replied quickly “Um…can I take a look at that map again?”