Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?He was looking for Pooh!

Scholarly discussion

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the thestranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heardthat flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with yourfellow passenger.”Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and saidto the stranger “What would you like to discuss?”"Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”"OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But letme ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eatgrass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cowturns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Whydo you suppose that is?”"Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”"Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified todiscuss nuclear power when you don’t know sh*t?”

A good student

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.” “Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for thepeople, shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, saidMartinez. The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history thanyou do.” She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.”"Who said that?” she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.” At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.” Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!” Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to theteacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!” Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If yousay anything else, I’ll kill you.” Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit toChandra Levy 2001.” The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!” Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”

Anybody Home?

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about anurgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to theyoungster, the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?”"Yes,” whispered the small voice.”May I talk with him?” the man asked.To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”Yes,” came the answer.”May I talk with her?”Again the small voice whispered, “No.”Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left homealone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the personwho should be there watching over the child.”Is there anyone there besides you?” the boss asked the child.”Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the bossasked, “May I speak with the policeman?”"No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.”Busy doing what?” asked the boss.”Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whisperedanswer.Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like ahelicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, “Whatis that noise?”"A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.”What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, “The search teamjust landed the hello-copper.”Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the bossasked, “What are they searching for?”Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffledgiggle, “Me.”

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.