Daily Jokes

I was in a good mood last week. I entered a competition and won a years supply of marmite…..one jar!

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn’t work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me!

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can’t get my wife to go swimming!

I once met a dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date butunfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

Have you ever seen Pop Idol? One point it was held at an esso gas station.This irishman came on to do a song. He stoodnext to the diesel pump, lit the place up and it exploded.He started singing “I’m Still Standing”!