Archive for the ‘Doctor Jokes’ Category

I often feel guilty

Friday, May 11th, 2007
|Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. “Doctor, you must help me,” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.”"I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.”"NO!!!” exclaimed the nurse. “I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterward!”

Better relationship

Friday, May 11th, 2007
|A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”"What’s the problem?” the docotor inquired.”Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.”"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.”The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. “Did my advice not work?” asked the doctor.”It worked alright. For the past several weeks I’ve enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.”"So, what’s your problem?” “I don’t have a problem,” the man replied. “My wife does.”

Doctors meeting

Friday, May 11th, 2007
|A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”The other three agreed.The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Promoting an office

Thursday, May 10th, 2007
|A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why ! The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words : Psycho-the-rapist.

Scared sleeping

Thursday, May 10th, 2007
|Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” “How much do you charge?” “A hundred dollars per visit.” “I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist. “For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.” “Is that so! How?” “He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”