Archive for the ‘Elderly’ Category

Sweet, Sweet Road Rage

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a youngman in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space shewas waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up tothe man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man was a real smartaleck and he said, “That’s what you can do when you’re young andbright.”Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car andbacked it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into hisMercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, “What did you dothat for?” The little old lady smiled and told him, “That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich!”

Getting married

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Of course we do.” Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?” Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?” Pharmacist: “Definitely.” Jacob: “How about Viagra?” Pharmacist: “Of course.” Jacob: “Medicine for memory?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.” Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?” Pharmacist: “Absolutely.” Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts.”

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies…

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies.They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship…

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?”"Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!”said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”

A hearing problem

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about20′ behind her and asked “Can you hear me sweetheart”?. No reply. Moved to 10′ and inquired again. No reply. 5′ and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked “Can you hear me now honey”? His wife said “For the fourth time, yes.”