Archive for the ‘Farming Jokes’ Category

How are you feeling?

Monday, May 7th, 2007
|Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer.Farmer Brown responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”"I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!”Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.”He continued, “I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.”"Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. “The patrolman looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling’?”

Horse pulls the car

Monday, May 7th, 2007
|An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

Mother-in-law killed

Monday, May 7th, 2007
|A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.’”

Try to grow chickens

Sunday, May 6th, 2007
|A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.”That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied.A week later the yuppie was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him.”Yeah,” the yuppie replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” “Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied the yuppie, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”

Eat the watermelons

Sunday, May 6th, 2007
|A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”