Archive for the ‘Legal’ Category

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question…

Thursday, February 1st, 2007
Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’tprepared for the answer:In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called hisfirst witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. Heapproached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” Sheresponded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you sinceyou were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointmentto me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when youhaven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything morethan a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed acrossthe room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”She replied, “Why yes, I do. I ‘ve known Mr. Bradley since he was ayoungster too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. Hecan’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice isone of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated onhis wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, Iknow him.” The defense attorney almost died.The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a veryquiet voice said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,I’ll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.”

Guilty as sin

Thursday, February 1st, 2007
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she’s prejudice. “I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.” “Sit down,” says the judge. “That’s the prosecuting attorney.”

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?

Thursday, February 1st, 2007
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.

Why don’t you ever see lawyers at the beach?

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
Why don’t you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!