Archive for the ‘Ouch’ Category

What’s worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?

Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
What’s worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?

Monday, February 5th, 2007
What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?”Chop chop.”

Little Mermaid

Monday, February 5th, 2007
Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, sir!” she replied The second man went out to her and asked,”Mermaid, have you ever had your breasts fondled?” “No sir,” she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then asked, “How did you like that?” She replied,” It was most pleasurable, sir.” The third fellow approached and asked,” Mermaid, have you ever been fucked?” “No sir,” she replied. He said, “Well you have been now–the tide’s gone out!”

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with…

Monday, February 5th, 2007
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it.So I said “Implants?”

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home…

Monday, February 5th, 2007
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”"What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.”My ex-wife” replied the hunter.