Archive for the ‘Red Indian Jokes’ Category

Indians and Polish

Monday, October 8th, 2007
|There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave… “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” and then listened very closely until he heard the answer…”Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something. “No”, said the other Indian. “It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!”, and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” When he heard the return, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!”, off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. The Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, “Man! Look at the size of that cave! It’s bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!” Well… he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, “Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!” He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, “WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

Texan’s guide to life

Monday, October 8th, 2007
|Never squat with yer spurs on. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works. Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Never smack a man who’s chewin’ tobacco. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in. Finally, never miss a good chance to shut up.

Had any accidents?

Monday, October 8th, 2007
|The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.”Ever have an accident?”"Nope, nary a one.”"None? You’ve never had any accidents.”"Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.”"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

Stagecoach surprise

Sunday, October 7th, 2007
|I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.Just before he rode off, I yelled out,”What was all that about?”He replied,”Nothing. It’s just a stage I’m going through.”

Learn it by listening

Sunday, October 7th, 2007
|Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”"Yeah,” says the other cowboy.”Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”"Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a half hour ago.”