Archive for the ‘Sex Jokes’ Category

REALLY FUNNY!!

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
Look in the mirror!!!!!!!1

HITTING BOTTOM

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
TWO MEN SITTING BESIDE ONE ANOTHER IN A BAR.THE 1ST MAN IS AN AVERAGE SIZE GUY WEIGHINGABOUT 170 LBS.THE 2ND MAN IS A HUGE FAT GUY WEIGHING ABOUT375 LBS.THE 2ND GUY ASKS THE 1ST GUY. “WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, DO YOU ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM?”THE 1ST GUY REPLIES, “IT DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN,HOW ABOUT YOU?”THE 2ND GUY REPLIES, “I ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM, NOMATTER WHO I’M WITH.”OF COURSE YOU CAN’T HELP BUT TO HIT BOTTOM WHEN YOU “MASH IT FLAT”.

The sneeze

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you’ve sneezed and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?”The woman replies, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, “I’ve never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?”The woman looks at him and says, “Pepper.”

The Cruise

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine’s and three condoms.Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five day cruise. The guy said, “I’ll take it,” and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamine’s and two more condoms.The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, “Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?”

Three Brothers

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor.A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they’d heard last night was. He replied, “Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl.”The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, “Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl.”Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his room was. So, he said, “Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost!