Archive for the ‘Situations’ Category

Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s…

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away again. Meanwhile two potheads who were driving down the same highway happened to cross right by Lorenna just as she tossed it out the window and the penis hit their windshield smack dab in the middle. Stunned but still quiet the two locals drove on. About three miles down the road one pothead turned to the other and said, “Man, Did you see the size of the dick on the Mosquito?”

A woman enters a butcher shop and asks…

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant,”Do you have pigs ears?”The counter assistant replies,”No, its just the way my hair is parted!”

A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply…

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, “Yes it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached.”

A push

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.”I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” sayshis wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opensthe door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take thehomeowner long to realize the man was drunk.”Hi there.” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push??” “No, getlost, it’s half past three. I was in bed.” says the man and slams thedoor.He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke downin the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitterand you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? Whatwould have happened if he’d told us to get lost??”"But the guy was drunk.” says the husband.”It doesn’t matter.” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would bethe right thing to do.”So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. Heopens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:”Hey, do you still want a push??” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah please.”So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: “Where are you?”And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”

Great roof

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.”Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.”The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”"What difference does it make,” Joan asked rather calmly.”No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”"Not exactly,” said the embarrassed little man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”