Archive for the ‘Travel Jokes’ Category

Glazed

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

Car Acronyms

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLETCan Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGEDumb Old Dirty Gas EaterDrips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FORDFix Or Repair DailyFound On Road, DeadFast Only Rolling Downhill GMGeneral Maintenance GMCGarage Man’s Companion HONDAHad One Never Did AgainHappy Owners Never Drive Anything else. Hated Old Noisy Damaged AutoHYUNDAIHope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive? MAZDAMost Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILEOld Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover Equipment SAABSend Another Automobile Back TOYOTAToo Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVOVery Odd Looking Vehicular Object VWVirtually Worthless

Ocean Joke

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?Nothing, it just waved.

Lady Sunbathing

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax. She went to the top of the hotel, stripped down, and layed face down on the roof. After about an hour of sunbathing, she heard someone come on the roof. It was the manager of the hotel. He said, ” Excuse me, miss, but do you mind sunbathing somewhere else? ” “Why?”, asked the lady. ” I’m on top of the hotel…nobody can see me!” ” True”, the man replied, ” But you are lying on the sunroof above the dining room.”

New Driver’s License

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father. “Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive,just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”